quic: defer server session emit until TLS ClientHello is processed

[pimterry]

Extracted from #63995. It's not identical to the implementation there, I did a little more cleanup and refactoring here, and dropped some parts that aren't relevant without the latest changes in that PR, but it's reviewable standalone.

This change means servers can access servername & alpnProtocol synchronously as soon as the event is fired - all key session data is available and it's immediately usable. New getters are exposed for that. This also ensures we don't fire session events for totally invalid TLS handshakes - fundamental errors, bad SNI/ALPN values, or anything else that our TLS config would reject.

It does so without waiting for any more round trips that before, in any normal flow: it just defers the session event to the end of the client hello processing which should be momentarily after the previous behaviour. In very strange flows (if the first flight from the client doesn't contain the full client hello) then this could introduce a more significant delay, but AFAICT no normal client should ever do that (and we'd have to do some kind of wait regardless eventually if they did - we can't really do anything useful without a complete client hello).

This is just intended to improve UX and smooth the path towards dynamic Application selection (as used in #63995). A few things this doesn't do:

• It doesn't wait for handshake completion. It's just processing of the client hello. Completion would imply an extra round trip, and thereby defeat 0RTT benefits entirely.
• It doesn't improve security (though it helps avoid some footguns). Existing mechanisms already ensure we can't read or write data that isn't correctly within the TLS handshake (deferred data on new connections until the handshake completes, or allowing early data that's explicitly marked as such on resumed connections)
• It doesn't change client behaviour. In the client case, the session is available on creation, and you always have to wait for opened. Dynamic app selection there would wait for full handshake completion anyway, since that's the only way to know the confirmed ALPN, which you'll want in most cases (though we don't currently support multiple ALPN for clients anyway). All deferred for later.
• It doesn't expose these failed TLS sessions in any way. In future we will probably want a tlsClientError analogue, but imo that was true before as well and we can continue to defer it for now. Most servers aren't that interested in clients who fail to connect, it's not a top priority.

[nodejs-github-bot]

Review requested:

• @nodejs/quic